One Amazing Van

So here is my question for everyone...How many things have to break on a car before you decide it is time to put the baby to rest. I mean honestly, lets just think about this for a moment. I will give you a little background in case you haven't seen or heard me driving down the street. Shortly after we bought our van I ran into the side of a piece of red scrap metal, (Brads car), and put a serious dent in the side of our new van. For the past 7 1/2 years I have had to look at that dent and know that it didn't do one hint of damage to the piece of junk car that is laying in a junk yard somewhere. Next, the front passenger window broke and won't roll down. This may not seem to be a problem but this morning when I went to roll down the window (even though it hasn't worked for the past 3 years I still try everyday for some stupid reason) to say goodbye to Elli I realized it didn't work and so I leaned over and opened the door and yelled "Bye Elli". She didn't say a word, just gave me the look, you know the one..."I don't know who this woman is and why is she saying my name." I embarrassed her but I actually think it was the incredible squeaky brakes that made children in the neighborhood cover their ears as I came to a complete stop that really embarrassed her. I wish that was all that was broken but I'm just getting going. The side door, yes the one that all 50 million children that I cart around each week, works only on Tuesdays and Thursdays between 1:00 and 1:15. If you try to use it any other time just know that you will have to stand there for 5 minutes pushing the button just trying to get out. Some children I am sure have thought I was trying to hold them hostage as they frantically tried to escape the crumb infested van. Sometimes the speedometer doesn't work. "Really officer I know you clocked me at 45 miles an hour in a 25 mile zone but I swear it said I was going zero miles an hour." Yesterday I went to unlock the front passenger door and noticed it wouldn't unlock. Brad was a sweetheart and fixed it but now it makes a horrible noise every time the doors lock. The doors automatically lock when you accelerate to 10 miles an hour so I hear that noise every time I drive. At first I thought I had been shot and seeing the crack in my windshield it could have been confused with a bullet hole. After realizing I was still alive, I came to the conclusion that this is the noise that would just cause everyone in the car to say "what was that?" every time we drive somewhere. If you add that noise and the noise that my steering wheel makes, that's right it is a noisy steering wheel that sounds like wires are rattling and a fire is about to start any second, and the noise that sounds like the motor is going to drop out of the car but that only happens when you use the right blinker and turn right, you have one very unique car. The sun visor clip is broken so it can occasionally hit you in the head and leave a bump but that is ok because I am married and wouldn't want anyone trying to pick me up as I drive past Mountain View with my filthy car that usually has foot prints on the windshield which are not from an animal but children. Sometimes when I am feeling daring and adventurous or like I want to participate in Fear Factor I venture to the back of the car. I have nightmares for weeks afterwards as I see what little pigs have been doing in the back seat. Let me tell you it isn't easy to get hard candy out of the cup holder when a bottle of water has been poured into it and then baked in the 150 degree sun for a few weeks. Apparently a science experiment was being conducted but I think my children lay in bed at night thinking of things they can do to make me so mad that I run away. Then they could get a new mom that is fun and has milk and cookies waiting for them when they get home from school and wears a dress and high heels and a smile on her face all day long. No Leave It To Beaver at this house!!! Mitch and Bethany both told me today that we had to get a new car. The locking door noise frightened them again just like it did yesterday and it will tomorrow. Anyways if anyone is looking for a car let me know, maybe we could give you a good deal.